Names

Yesterday Elka was trying to get me to agree that “Dudley” is a good name for Zoe’s baby. I could not agree to such a detestable name. Elka badgered me about it for a minute or so, but I wouldn’t budge. “Well, Dudley is better than Snakebite, or Mouse, or whatever Steve wanted to name the baby,” she said.

No, no, and no. Snakebite and Mouse are perfectly respectable names, though I don’t think Steve was in favor of either. “Dudley” is scarcely mentionable in polite society. I’m not saying Zoe circulates amongst polite society; I’m just saying that Dudley is a loathsome name, unacceptable outside of sketchy English earls in the court of Elizabeth I.

Snakebite or Mouse, she said. Snakebite or Mouse.

MY Ergonomic Footrest

Several million years ago, Zoe bequeathed me her neglected footrest - either that or I burgled it, whatever. Now she wants it returned because her back aches or something. I think this may be part of some backward ploy to get at my gold. Nice try, infidels.

Zoe also told me her dog has fleas.

La Croiks

Earlier today, Zoe and I were discussing lunch and I mentioned that my lunch included a lime LaCroix water. I was careful to pronounce it “La Croiks” and she was all “La Crwaw?” and I was all, “NO, it’s LA CROIKS.” Then I told her to say la croiks but she refused. I was all, “Say LA CROIKS,” and she was like, “No, I won’t smell the jar and I won’t say that.”

I should mention that Zoe looks especially serious today because she’s wearing glasses.

What the?

Dude, what happened to the Zoetracker 3000? Why haven't I posted anything? Everything was moving along just fine, when all of a sudden

Candy Robin Hood

Zoe, do you recognize this face?



This is a SUGAR GLIDER. Sugar Gliders are marsupials and their babies are called joeys. They have furry arm flaps so they can glide from tree to tree, stealing sugar from Zoe and bringing it to me.