More Fruitless Sniffing

More new rubber stamps in the office. When I told Zoe about them she immediately asked me if they smell like Band-aids. “I don’t know,” I told her, because I didn’t know, and because it is polite to answer questions with words rather than mute exasperation.

In case you were wondering, the stamps smelled a bit plasticy.

Tiny Person

Zoe saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button last weekend. “I just don’t know how they got Brad Pitt’s face on that tiny person,” she told me. I had no response, because I didn’t see the movie and I don’t know how Brad Pitt’s face gets on tiny people, or, once on, how or if it is later removed. Once you get Brad Pitt’s face, there may be no turning back. You may have Brad Pitt’s face forever. How am I to know? Can anyone know? Is such knowledge knowable? Anyway, I don’t think she liked the movie very much, probably because it triggered this heavy epistemological celebrity-faced tiny-person-related crisis. Or maybe Steve didn’t properly saturate the popcorn with industrial butter-flavored oil derivative. I just don’t know.

The Other Day

Today Zoe grabbed a rubber stamp from my desk and said, “You know, I smelled this stamp the other day. It smells like Band-aids.” I stared at her in disbelief for a moment, of course. Then I sniffed the stamp in order to verify her assessment. I was smart enough to sniff it away from Zoe so she couldn’t ink me by smooshing it into my face. And you know what? It smelled strongly of Band-aids. It made me wonder how often Zoe sneaks around the office, sniffing items from other people's desks. It also made we wonder why Zoe won't smell the jar. It's like Meatloaf knew Zoe when he wrote, "I'd Sniff Anything for No Reason (But I Won't Sniff That)." I can't stand Meatloaf myself, but I hear others are quite into him.

Monday

It’s the last day of 2007, and do you know what Zoe did? She went to the mall to watch National Treasure: Book of Secrets. National Treasure! Book of Secrets! This, from a woman with a doctorate in forestry and international finance! Jesus. She wanted to watch Sweeney Todd later in the day, but she wasn’t sure she could handle a two-hour wait in the mall. What, Orange Julius was closed?

I saw Sweeney Todd. It would have been good if it hadn’t been for the incessant singing.

Afternoon

Today Zoe told me that she's joining a tennis league, and that it's just a matter of time before she makes it to Wimbledon. "Oh really? And I still don't know what love means," I said. She explained that love means zero, and then she went off about how her t-shirt rubs against her upper arm. Elka said something about a Russki wearing fancy clothes and Annette insisted that love is French. At any rate, that's when I decided to sit down and look busy.

Foon

Zoe just asked me if it was 'Annette Fudicello' or 'Annette Funicello.' I was all, “Funicello,” and she was all “Fudicello?” and I was all, “No, Funicello, Foon. Foon.” “Food? Or Foon?” “FOON! Foonicello! Why do you want to know?” And she was all, “I was just thinking of Annette.”

Later Zoe walked by my desk and said, “What, do you think that I just go around thinking of Mickey Mouse? And children?”