This Just In: I am Nothing without Zoe

The other day Zoë asked me if I’d given up on the Zoetracker and I said no, I hadn’t given up. "Because you can’t give it up! I GIVE YOUR LIFE MEANING," she insisted. "YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT ME." Then she cackled like a toothless hag, stuffed half of a day-old croissant in her mouth and staggered back to her desk. "May you choke on your hubris, or your croissant," I said, but I don’t think she heard me.